Saturday, February 18, 2012


So, I know, it's been forever again. I think I may have a topic or two God might want me to write about, but I'm not sure exactly.
  You know how you have days where things just aren't right? You feel like you've got a reason to be mad, or depressed, or whatever, and you just let those feelings take over? Yeah, well, the last three months have been like that for me.
  I know it's my fault; I've made the mistake of trying to tell myself that I'm really a good person and everything.
  But the truth is, I'm not.
  I'm a terrible, self-centered, mean, dirty, hateful, uncaring shell of a person.
  And I don't know what to do about it.
  My birthday was a couple of weeks ago, and I got this awesome present. It was this photo album with notes from people important to me. I t was the best present I've ever gotten. And I cried good tears, knowing that I'm loved and appreciated by those dear to me. I thought that this hole in my heart would heal.
  But it hasn't.
  I've tried making myself look good (as much as I can) and that only works for a little while.
  I don't know what to do.
  I feel terrible because I can't just do the things that I should be able to. I can barely get all my homework done, not to mention all of the other things I've taken on. This website is a perfect example.
  I hate myself and I don't know what to do.
  I think this is where God comes in. He's supposed to take away all this pain, help me through where no human can. But I don't pray. I go to church. I'm quite the fake. I play hymns, and everybody always says "Oh, Emily, you're such a good example," but they don't know what I do when they aren't around, or when my parents aren't around.
  I hate feeling this way. Could God be the answer?
  I'll try to find Him.
  And then I'll get back to you and tell you what I've found.
  Just pray for me.

In Christ,

Emily xoxoxo

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